Bridging the Distance
A Daughter’s Guide to Loving Her Father This Christmas
Malachi 4:6 NKJV And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.
The bond between a father and daughter is a beautiful one; one that distance can’t break. Sometimes that distance isn’t physical, but emotional, mental, or even spiritual. Often, the pressure is placed solely on the father to step up and do more. While it’s true that fathers, as parents, should do everything they can to reach their children, there are times when he is already doing all of that, but the weight of the world makes it look like he isn’t.
We felt led to create a mini guide for daughters on how to connect with their fathers this holiday season and meet them where they are. This article is especially for the daughters who have a healthy relationship with their fathers, but who may have felt a little distance lately, whether from seasonal changes, work-life balance, or even situations neither person can control. Let’s encourage and uplift our kings this holiday season, sis! They need it.
Loving Through Words
One of the things that has negatively affected my relationship with my father is words. The last text he sent me was nasty and vile, essentially telling me he wanted nothing else to do with me, all because I missed his 70th birthday party. That situation made me reflect on the weight of words and the power of sending love through words.
Many of our men—fathers, uncles, brothers, and even husbands—spend a lot of time in their own heads. They overanalyze, rehearse failures, and build performance blueprints to try to keep everyone happy, all while silently drowning in pain and sorrow. Imagine your dad receiving a loving text from you out of the blue, with no request attached, just pure love.
Many men won’t admit when they’re struggling because they fear being seen as weak. We know that’s not true, and that’s why God often uses women to encourage them.
Highlight your father’s strengths and even ask God how you can speak to the little boy in him who may still be healing. Here’s how your love through words can lift your father’s spirit, especially if he’s going through a dark time:
It can help him snap out of a heavy moment of depression. This doesn’t mean things will be solved instantly, but a loving word can interrupt thoughts the enemy has planted to keep him bound. “Gentle words are a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4), meaning your words can uproot lies and water new seeds. Your words might even help him value what’s going well in his life, starting with his relationship with you.
It can encourage him to see from God’s perspective. An encouraging word rooted in Scripture (not preachy, but uplifting) can become the God-wink he needs to step back into his authority. The enemy may try to convince your father that God has forgotten him, but a reminder of truth can help him refocus on God’s promises.
A phone call filled with affirmation can shift his mood. Texts are meaningful, but hearing your voice makes a difference. Have you ever heard a husband say his wife’s words make him feel like a king? That same principle applies to a daughter and her father. Men don’t need a romantic relationship to feel affirmed. Be the daughter God can trust with her father’s heart.
Practical Tips to Love on Your Dad
Send a heartfelt note. Thank him for the ways he’s shown up for you. Let him know how much it matters. Use the Word of God to remind him that even if he’s facing hardships (job loss, relationship challenges, or family conflict), he is fulfilling his role as an earthly father, and that means more than he may realize.
Schedule virtual hangouts, even if you live nearby. Time together is valuable, but life can get busy. Ask God for wisdom on how to meet your dad where he is. These tips are geared toward daughters whose fathers are active and intentional, so don’t feel pressured to do this if your father isn’t reaching out (unless God leads you to). Virtual time together proves that no matter the zip code or the room, the relationship can thrive.
Start a tradition that honors your bond. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. A small ritual, like a “talk jar” when you’re together, can deepen your connection. Each of you can place topics in the jar, and you commit to discussing them openly. This gives your dad a safe space to share his heart. You can even make a rule: What’s shared here, stays here.
Remembering His Humanity
Your father may carry emotional wounds he doesn’t know how to express, let alone to you. Fathers want to be heroes, but they don’t always know how to take off their capes. While God has given them a standard of fatherhood to uphold (Psalm 103:13; Proverbs 23:24; Ephesians 6:4), it’s important to remember that even a strong, godly man is still human. You can’t expect him to understand your struggles while demanding that he navigate his own without support.
Encouragement is especially important during the holiday season. Some fathers are grieving parents who are no longer here, struggling with financial setbacks, or facing personal battles that make them feel like they’re falling short. You’re not being asked to carry a grown man, but to support him enough so he knows his daughter has his back, even when others don’t.
Some fathers also carry mother wounds. While it’s not your responsibility to heal them, God can use your presence, love, and encouragement as a conduit of healing.
Spiritual Encouragement
Pray over your father daily. Find Bible verses on fatherhood, write a prayer around them, and declare it over his life. Remember, we call people up to who they are in God’s eyes, not where they are in the moment. As you pray, the Spirit of God will meet your father where he is, and your words can minister to his heart.
Believe God for father figures. Even if your relationship with your biological father is strained—or he’s no longer here—God is faithful to provide father figures. I’ve met men who consider their daughters their best friends because of the emotional, mental, and spiritual honor they share. If you’re still waiting for God to send you a spiritual father, I stand in agreement with you that He will align that relationship before the year closes.
Here’s a prayer you can begin with:
Father, thank You for the man of God You’ve prepared to walk alongside me in this life. You know my earthly father may not be present, or our relationship may be unhealthy. I believe You’ve released me from trying to fix it and instead want me to surrender it to You. With that, I trust You to send a spiritual father who will see me rightly, honor You, and guide me as Mordecai did for Esther. Help me to honor and steward that relationship well. I trust You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
The bond between a father and daughter is sacred. It deserves intentional nurturing, even when challenges arise. Whether your father is fully present, emotionally distant, or absent altogether, God has made provision for your heart. As daughters, our role isn’t to fix our fathers but to honor them, pray for them, and show up in love where we can. This holiday season, may you lean into that sacred bond with grace, wisdom, and joy.
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