Finding Family This Holiday Season
Building Connection Beyond Blood
The holidays can be especially difficult when your biological family feels distant, strained, or unavailable. But family isn’t just about blood—it’s about love, community, and spiritual connection. Faith can guide us in creating a chosen family, healing broken relationships, and embracing traditions that bring joy and belonging, no matter our circumstances.
It stung. I was sitting at a family brunch in October, laughter filling the air, until the conversation turned to children and grandchildren. That’s when I went silent, offering a few polite words, but inside, the ache in my heart was undeniable. For many single women, or those without a spouse and children, the pressure isn’t always about “when will you?” It’s the quiet question of the soul: “When will God?”
For me, the sting was compounded after closing two friendships in September. For single mothers, the ache may run even deeper: the father laughing at a nearby table, the piles of family Christmas cards arriving in the mail, a longing that isn’t jealousy but simply yearning. And the old wounds—fathers who didn’t call, mothers favoring a sibling, or heartbreak that left you raising a child alone—can make the holidays more sorrowful than sunny.
It’s hard. That’s why I’m writing this: to remind you that God hears the cries of your heart. He can send a connection beyond blood. It might be a sister in Christ longing to do life with you, a family you didn’t know you had, or a community that feels like home. But how do you build that connection when heartbreak has made you hesitant to reach out?
1. Create a Vision for Your Holiday
Write down the kind of holiday you want to experience. Pray and ask God what needs He wants to fulfill this season, and include those in your vision. Psalm 68:6 reminds us that “God sets the lonely in families.” If you can’t find the connection, be willing to create it yourself. Invite people over, plan meals, or host gatherings that foster community.
2. Connect with Women Like You
Other women may feel the same way you do—single, longing for community, and wanting meaningful connection. Use social media, Facebook groups, or MeetUps to create opportunities to gather. Sometimes all it takes is someone to organize it. Your initiative could be the spark for a holiday season full of friendship and joy.
3. Reach Out to Old Friends
Not everyone who falls out of touch is distant by choice. Sometimes life gets in the way. Go through your contacts and prayerfully ask God who may need a gentle nudge from you. Reconnecting can bring unexpected blessings and remind you that you are never truly alone in this season.
4. Single Mothers, Create Playdates and Community
If you’re raising children alone, consider reaching out to other single mothers for a holiday playdate. Set up activities for the kids and a cozy space for the moms to connect. Building community in this way strengthens hearts, creates lasting friendships, and brings joy to children and adults alike.
5. Be Vulnerable and Share Your Heart
Sometimes a simple Zoom call or small gathering is all it takes to alleviate the loneliness of the season. Don’t underestimate the power of vulnerability. People may want to connect, but they just don’t know you need them to. Share your heart, and you’ll find that many others are longing for the same connection.
6. Guard Your Heart Through Media
Movies, social media, and other holiday content can unintentionally trigger feelings of longing or sadness. Be intentional about what you consume. If romantic movies are painful this season, opt for family-friendly or uplifting content instead. Protect your heart so your joy isn’t compromised by media.
7. Protect Your Peace on Social Media
The holidays are full of posts showcasing engagements, weddings, and milestones. While you can rejoice for others, consider silencing the noise to protect your heart. Unsubscribe from content that stirs comparison or longing, and remember that guarding your heart is not a denial of hope—it’s an act of self-care and faith.
8. Build Connection with Women Who Share Your Season of Life
If you’re single, focus on connecting with single women, pursuing God, and striving toward their dreams. Decline invitations that leave you feeling out of place and instead build your own chosen family. Your right-now family can nurture your heart while you wait for your forever family.
This isn’t about rejecting your biological family or envying those who have what you desire. It’s about creating a rhythm that honors your current season, opening your heart to God’s plan, and being a blessing to others. God may be nudging you out of your comfort zone to build the family you’ve been longing for or to be the family someone else has been waiting for.
It's interesting how you framed family. Community and chosen bonds truly transcend traditional lines.