Grieving the Unexpected Promise/Assignment
Because I didn't ask for this...
Hey Family,
This one might be hard for many of us to digest. Why? Because most of us don’t want to admit that we may be waiting for something that we didn’t ask for. Deep down, you may have learned to desire it because God does give us the desires of our hearts, but initially, you didn’t realize what He had for you would cost so much.
I’m that girl. I remember when a former friend of mine was on dating apps. God told me to connect with her and become an accountability partner for our waiting season. So, she deleted the apps, and over the next two years, we prayed, fasted, and warred together as we believed God for our mates. The difference is, she wanted it badly. For me, it was an option.
Full transparency: Up until about 2018, I only wanted marriage to have legal sex, within the confines of Biblical marriage, not for love.
But since then, I’ve actually become more romantic. I went from listening to Beanie Sigel to listening to Kem (iykyk). What happened to this hardcore, North Philly girl who was so guarded? I was being transformed into the woman my husband would need and love.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. I can’t wait to meet him. But I would be lying if I said I’ve wanted to throw in the towel a bunch of times. I used to have a motto that I came up with in 2012. It was “Millions before marriage”. Well, imagine my surprise when God tells me that my marriage will come with the millions, and not the other way around. It would be something we built and earned together. Ouch.
I’ve been frustrated, to say the least. Many of the doors God has shown me are doors that I can’t walk through without my husband. I feel like it’s so unfair. Why can’t I build some success before he comes? God finally told me to grieve. Grieve the unexpected promise that I didn’t ask for. Similar to Mary, another woman we love from the Bible is Esther.
Esther was an orphan who, I’m sure, appreciated that the chance to become Queen would mean family, inheritance, and status. But the idea of putting her life on the line for a whole nation wasn’t on her bucket list. Yet she was chosen by God because He knew her history of loss and shame made her the perfect candidate for this assignment. The promise of being a wife and Queen of a nation came with threats, a heavy assignment, and an even bigger aftermath if things didn’t work out the way she hoped.
Like Esther, I chose to accept the assignment of being a wife. I’ve realized in the last several years that God isn’t just preparing me for a healthy marriage, but for an assignment that will help us advance the kingdom. When my husband comes, I will be prepared for the love, challenges, and warfare because I submitted to the process that I didn’t quite understand.
What promise or assignment did God give you that you didn’t ask for? Even if it’s something exciting, that doesn’t mean that there’s no room to grieve the unexpected blessing.
Reply and let me know what came to your mind when you read this. We can grieve together, friend. Let’s pray together while I wait to hear from you:
Father, help my sister to lean into grieving the blessing that she is waiting on. If she’s already stepped into it, help her to lean into her humanity. I pray she understands that being grateful doesn’t mean she can’t feel overwhelmed. I pray she allows herself to lean into your love on the days she gets weary in the wait, or weary with the weight. Help her to trust You as You stretch her to fill the need of this season. I pray for comfort and times of refreshing in Your Presence. In Jesus name, Amen.
Worship Song: Thy Will by Hillary Scott & The Scott Family
Ya Girl,
Mya Kay