Let’s Talk About Church Hurt (and Why You Still Need the Body of Christ)
Though shared through a Gen Z lens, this article speaks to every generation. Keronda 'Kiki' McKnight’s words on church hurt remind us that healing, forgiveness, and rediscovering community in Christ are journeys we all face, no matter our age. All images provided by Canva AI. Follow her
.There are times when we will come across a certain person or clique of people from church who make us feel unloved, unwanted, and misunderstood. Beyond just a basic falling out that both sides might forget in a week, actual “church hurt” can be a devastating experience that leaves you feeling alienated and alone.
And let’s be clear, sis, church hurt is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Offenses can range anywhere from the simple and downright petty to the violent and absolutely criminal. But for now, we’ll keep things on the less intense side of the church hurt spectrum, cool?
No one likes to feel humiliated, lied on, or talked about. But when it’s coming from fellow believers, the rules of engagement are different than what culture says we should do. You might feel like “laying hands” on someone or clapping back real strong, but is that really how God wants you to handle things?
Offense is a crafty weapon of the enemy. He loves to see us rip each other apart so we have to be careful not to play into his crusty hands. Think about it — someone at church offended you so much you avoid them—or worse—you talk smack behind their back. Months go by, no communication. You just gave the enemy a fat dub, and all that unforgiveness probably cost you a blessing or two you really needed. It’s all connected, sis.
When offense turns into church hurt, and then into church hate—nobody wins. Sometimes the offense was flat out wrong and unjustified. I’m not saying brush it off or that healing is quick. The hurt is real, and it sucks. But there’s a higher standard if we want to get over it and heal.
There’s a scripture I love: “One’s glory is to overlook a transgression” (Proverbs 19:11). Glory is on you when you ignore an offense! Culture says this shows weakness, but to God, it’s a badge of honor when you take the high road. Easier said than done, I know. But this is real-time faith walking.
I once heard someone call another “nice-nasty” — someone who seems polite but has a mean streak. I’d never want that reputation, in or out of church. This made me think: Do we speak respectfully or with attitude? Are we warm or hostile? We should check ourselves especially around people we don’t vibe with.
If someone shared your secret, betrayed your trust, or lied on you — it’s hard to just let that roll off. Sometimes people’s insecurities come out as attacks, maybe without them realizing it. That’s when you can lovingly confront instead of being defensive.
I remember having issues with two leaders at my church who seemed “nice-nasty” toward me — icy silence and cold tones. I confronted them, and they said they were just matching my negative energy! I was shocked. After self-reflection, I realized my insecurity around their intelligence and style made me give attitude first. I apologized, greeted them warmly after that, and things got better.
Extreme cases exist — like a friend who experienced church hurt through witchcraft jealousy, causing illness until someone discerned the root. Those require spiritual warfare.
But unless it’s something diabolical or criminal (like sexual assault from a leader), the goal should be peace. Always.
The Word says “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). But let’s be real: some make it hard to love them, especially if they humiliated you or slandered you. Not reacting to keep peace might feel like admitting guilt or hurting your reputation. That’s when you take it to God and get it off your chest so you don’t say something you regret.
It takes maturity to show restraint and stay unbothered after being hurt. Remember when Jesus was accused and called to be crucified? He kept His focus on His mission instead of clapping back. Sometimes church hurt is just a distraction keeping you from your purpose.
Before you storm out of church because of hurt, ask yourself: “Did I do all I could to make peace? Was this a misunderstanding?” Don’t let church hurt drive you away from a sound ministry that’s growing your faith.
The enemy loves to attack women’s identities and insecurities, so stay alert. The more you know who you are in Christ and how much God adores you, the less negativity sticks.
If it escalates into a holy mess, don’t retaliate. Ask God how to respond. Maybe a mentor or church mother can help you navigate. Chances are they’ve been through church hurt too and can share wisdom.
Remember: hurt people hurt people. It can be petty and vindictive, but that only shows they need healing. The best thing is to pray for their deliverance and flex your agape love—the God-level kind. Then pray for patience with them. When you imitate God and show mercy, blessings are ahead. It’s the long game, sis.
Since “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28), maybe God allowed this to push you closer to Him. Maybe He wants you to trust Him more and take everything to Him first. At the end, your relationship with the Lord is what truly matters.
4 Practical Tips to Overcome Church Hurt
1. Seek God First and Ground Yourself in His Truth
Before reacting, take your hurt to God in prayer. Ask Him to show you your role and how to respond. Meditate on scriptures about forgiveness, identity, and God’s love. When your foundation is in Him, others’ offenses lose power.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries Without Isolating Yourself
It’s okay to take a step back to heal—maybe skip a service or limit contact with certain people temporarily. But don’t isolate yourself from the whole body of Christ. Instead, seek out healthy relationships and ministries that build you up.
3. Practice Self-Reflection and Take Responsibility
Like I shared about my leaders, sometimes our insecurities or actions fuel tensions. Honestly evaluate your role without blaming others fully. Confess, ask forgiveness, and be willing to apologize where needed. This can break cycles of hurt.
4. Seek Support and Wise Counsel
Don’t carry your pain alone. Talk to trusted mentors, pastors, or mature believers who can guide you with wisdom. Sometimes an outside perspective helps you see the situation more clearly and provides practical next steps.
Church hurt is painful — especially because church should be a safe place. But don’t let it run you off from building God-honoring relationships. We’re stronger together to impact a lost world. Taking a Sunday off to regroup is fine, but don’t let hurt make you quit the journey.
We’re all imperfect humans on different faith journeys. Your walk of love needs tweaking just like everyone else’s. Class is always in session.
Decide to do things God’s way instead of your feelings. Some people will always be cruel no matter what, but that’s their problem, not yours. If you’re honest about your role and not divisive, your conscience will be clear.
People are people, and haters are going to hate. Blessing those who curse you like Jesus might not feel good, but it leads to glory — and glory is dope!
A Prayer For Church Hurt
Father, I thank You that I can cast my cares upon You because You care about me. I’m struggling with offense and need Your help to get through it. Help me see my role and guide my steps to peace. If they don’t want peace, give me grace to forgive and let go. Heal my bitterness and anger so the enemy can’t steal my joy. I trust You and receive help now, in Jesus’ name – Amen!
P.S. The Gen Z Issue is now available for purchase! With every print copy, you get a free PDF via Magcloud. Purchase Here
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